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Ramsay44

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  • Joined Jan 19, 2022

  • Living in Amsterdam, Netherlands

  • Last active Jan 21, 2022

19 Answers

Why do abused children say nothing?

Ramsay44

January 21, 2022

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Because they only have access to this reality, without any point of comparison. What happens within the walls of the house represents the only known universe… I remember that I was very surprised and destabilized when I understood that my best friend's mother did not practice sexual activity with her. her, whereas it was my case since my early childhood with my own mother. In this kind of situation, it's the earthquake because it's a whole system that is called into question. In the absence of access to other realities and sometimes for fear of reprisals, child victims of abuse are often silent, as I have been for years.

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Do you mean screaming, screaming, rolling on the ground? Or kicking people, hitting them because he doesn't get what he wants? At what age, in what situation? If he is aggressive, rude towards others, I make the remark very firmly directly in public and I apologize to the person concerned! At home I talk about it again with him, explaining why it's not correct and telling him never to do it again. If it is a whim to obtain something, I am a very very firm (I maintain the no), and I ask to stop this whim immediately under pain of returning immediately to the house, not to take it with me anymore in a store. Do not underestimate the power of "manipulation" of children who very quickly determine the limits of adults. ;-) If I see that it's linked to a state of fatigue at the end of the day, I show myself to be more conciliatory, I try to appease and reassure. In any case, I take a moment at home when we get back to talk about the incident again, I ask him what pushed him to behave like that, I dissect the whole event with him and I explain why it was not appropriate. I ask questions, sometimes we are amazed at what is going on in these little heads. But at the moment (in public) I remain firm enough to make sure it doesn't go any further. It is necessary to make the difference between spontaneous behavior which comes from ignorance of what to do or not to do in a given situation - certain clumsiness is acceptable in this context - and repetitive and aggressive behavior which is either the sign of a lack of framework and limits by the parents, or a deeper problem: want to get parents'/people's attention (I exist) repetitions of behaviors seen at home by the older ones or by the parents themselves (we are the first models of our children, let's not forget that) discharge from stress experienced at school (aggressive classmates towards them) or physical and mental fatigue etc It happened that my son, who had a good tongue and a sense of repartee, made remarks that were very surprising and daring for his age but which were "right" on the merits. People might be "shocked" and find him rude or impertinent, but young children don't know the hypocrisy of "decency". In this very specific case, I was not scolding but I was explaining that it could hurt the person but that he was fundamentally right.

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Why do parents constantly break, denigrate and criticize their children?

Ramsay44

January 21, 2022

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This was the case with my father. He loved me but couldn't show it. He made jokes about me being apparently lazy, too much of this and not enough of that. I experienced it badly. He was sickly jealous of my mother. He would have liked to be the first in all circumstances, that she loves only him. My dad was smart but clumsy. He broke my self-confidence in a way but since he died (it's been four years) all is forgiven. Why was he doing it? I do not know. His own father considered him a donkey, the last of a family of five children he was dressed like a tramp. It is probably for this reason. We had everything, I lacked nothing. I had to find flaws.

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What do wealthy parents teach their teens that middle-class parents don't?

Ramsay44

January 21, 2022

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It would be better to replace "rich parents" with "intellectual parents". Because you can be rich and stupid and despite your money, network and connection you would do no more for your child than a middle-class parent. I come from a rich family but we had ups and downs. The first 12 years of my life in Africa were in a rich family and part of the high society: from that time we were isolated from other children and my mother made us understand that studies were our number 1 priority. That meant learning to speak, read and write from an early age, private lessons at home every day after school, TV only on Saturdays and still limited to a specific slot at a defined number of channels, obligation to skip CM2 to all of us, so CM1 was the pivotal class for all of us. When we arrived in France as refugees we were extremely poor. However, my mother never stopped passing on her culture and the meaning of work to us. I see the example of the riddle cited in one of the answers. We had the same thing in the form of games, home exercises, holiday notebooks. I can tell you that with this lady there was no vacation or fun either you were in the top 3 of your class or you were going to spend a bad quarter of an hour explaining your report from A to Z. Gradually we go up the slope but we still did not go on vacation she dressed very badly and so did we by extension. Instead, she saved up to send us to the Grandes Ecoles in France, to medical school, to private schools and boarding schools in France and Switzerland, and to a military high school in the United States. Yes, when we became rich again and the money helped a lot for our studies. But that goal never changed when you were poor or middle class. All that to say that all that matters is the intellectual level of the parents, especially the mother (it has been proven that the mother's diploma determines the future of the children...). Even if your parents are poor and do not come from high society, your values ​​and culture inculcated from an early age thanks to their intellectual and cultural background will put you on the same footing as those who come from rich families. So do not complex.

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Why do some children stop calling or visiting their parents?

Ramsay44

January 21, 2022

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Because they no longer deserve to be considered parents. Being a parent means inspiring your children with confidence, respect, love, and above all, making them viscerally feel that you are always there for them. My parents, once, never really made me feel like they were always there for me – too self-centered for that. For example, I never had my own room with either of my parents, even as a child. My grandparents, on the other hand, yes, and I had my own room at their place since I lived there. My father shattered my trust, respect, and love for him when I was eight years old. When I was 13, I took on a deep grudge against him that's been going on for over 30 years now - and it's not going to get better. I didn't even inform him directly of my marriage or the birth of my children, he learned about it from the family. My mother broke them quite recently: her behavior has always been rather messy, but she had managed to stay pretty much in the nails so far. I supported her for more than 40 years, despite her insane self-centeredness. The breaking point was crossed three times, three times destroying one of my feelings for him. With the loss of the third, the only reason I still tolerate her around me is my eldest son, who appreciates her very much… And even on this point, she begins to seriously mess around, unable to learn a lesson. Instead, I shifted that attention to my grandparents, in the end. None are still alive, unfortunately. Needless to say, I have no intention of emulating my parents with my own children…

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Should we force children to respect?

Ramsay44

January 21, 2022

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Obedience is necessary for young children who do not yet have sufficient analytical capacity to understand the merits of behavior: do not cross the road alone, do not lean out of the window, do not fight with boyfriends, share toys, etc. Low age means up to 8–9 years depending on the children. A request for unfailing obedience does not prevent being polite and respectful with the child, on the contrary, it is a necessity. Speak calmly and firmly, always explain why the child must obey, why it is in his best interests, and demand that the child do the same. It often gives the best results even if it takes a lot of repetition! Then the older the child gets, the more we have to negotiate (OK you can play on the tablet for 5 more minutes but then you come and clear the table, etc.), but some things remain: keep calm, stay polite, explain everything, but demand that the child does the same. Listening to and respecting the child's point of view is essential, otherwise, we can make major mistakes such as triggering an injustice, which is very difficult for anyone to accept. It happens that adults are unreasonable and even much worse than that with regard to a child (grandparents, educators, other parents, etc.) and the child must be confident with his parents, that he knows that he can say anything and that we will listen to him and protect him if necessary. Many children have difficult behaviors at least from time to time, do not sit still, do not listen to anything, etc. In my opinion, we must not let go of calm and listening in relationships with children. It's difficult! being a parent can be learned. I had a lot more trouble with my first daughter than with my second, partly because between the two I had learned what works well. I believe that I hardly ever had to punish my second daughter, which I only do for dangerous or antisocial behavior (violence towards others for example). My first daughter, who is now of age, still rightly blames me for the times I got carried away with her.

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How do you manage your time?

Ramsay44

January 20, 2022

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As an entrepreneur, I have to manage my time as best I can to be as productive as possible without my work encroaching on my private life. I have therefore implemented several specific methods to manage my time: Establish a precise schedule for my week: every Sunday, I take my Google calendar and write down everything I'm going to do during the week (work, sport, dinner, etc.). This allows me to know precisely what my schedule will be each day and what I will be working on. Every morning, I consult my diary in this way and I know exactly what I have to do. Having something like "write a productivity blog post" in my diary means I don't have to think about what I have to do and focus on the task itself. Identify my important missions for the week: each week, I give myself important missions (2 or 3 per day maximum) that I must carry out. I spread them over the week and put them in my schedule when I work best (in the morning for me). Carrying out important missions on a daily basis will allow you to see real progress and advancement and to be more motivated. Of course, you should not set yourself more than 2/3 important missions per day, otherwise, you will be discouraged and not complete them. In addition, when you set up your company, having important missions allows you to focus on the tasks that really move the company forward and not what is "futile".Take time for yourself: during a week, I give myself moments of relaxation in order to be more productive later. I go to the gym twice a week, and that's also something I plan ahead and jot down in my diary. This allows me not only to go there systematically and not to find any more excuses but in addition to let off steam and work much better afterward. I usually also plan meals with friends or others during the week to give me a break from one day to the next.Time yourself to be more efficient: the Pomodoro technique is very valuable for people who work independently because it allows you to assign a specific time to a given task and stick to it. In addition, when you see the list of tasks accomplished with the Pomodoro at the end of the day, you realize your productivity and your efforts and you are proud and motivated for the future.Remove distractions: In order to optimize my time, I try to put my laptop on “do not disturb” when I am working on an assignment so as not to be distracted. If I don't, I'm often interrupted by unimportant notifications that can very well be dealt with later. I can concentrate much better on my work and therefore go much faster than if I am constantly interrupted.

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Are there places in the universe where time "no longer exists"?

Ramsay44

January 20, 2022

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From what I've read, yes: when you reach the Schwarzschild radius of a black hole, time stops and you can then, in theory, see the whole future of the universe. Once inside a black hole, time no longer exists, and it is space that flows (mathematically). There is also an idea developed by physicist Roger Penrose about the end of time when the universe “dies”, much like the death of a person. We are composed of atoms and their very specific organization creates a life that evolves in space-time. When we have exhausted our energy, it is time for our death and we become lifeless atoms again. The universe itself is made up of atoms whose very specific organization creates time, an evolution in space with an arrow of time, and at the end of its expansion, when its energy is exhausted, it will "die". and will be composed of atoms, without past or future... Thanks in advance to the specialists for specifying or correcting what needs to be corrected…

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What did you take a long time to understand in life?

Ramsay44

January 20, 2022

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What I need. What do I need, what do I want? Are my desires compatible with my needs? How do I balance my need for exhilarating freedom and my need for security, my bubble? In fact, I realized that I needed a home base. This port must be available. I am willing to fulfill certain conditions to access it, such as notifying me when I return or responding to a code of good conduct, which I will follow scrupulously. I could stay at sea for months or an hour, who knows. But I need to be able to leave when the need arises. Not to find other ports, but to leave the earth and rediscover the vastness of the horizon. Space, I must take off, or I suffocate. I need to be in contact with others. If possible, in contact with those who look like me, whether by common interests, by common expectations in terms of life, value, humor. Thus, I understood that I had been working in the wrong direction for several years, it's always nice to do. Well, the conclusion is made. As always, I'll do my best to find a solution!

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What do you love most in life?

Ramsay44

January 20, 2022

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What I love most in my life... I must admit that this question makes me search in myself for things that seemed obvious to me. Short. To eat. It doesn't look like it though when you see me. I'm very thin, and my friends never shy away from cracking jokes about where all the food I eat goes when the chance arises. But in my defense, it is often said at home that "If you don't eat how are you going to live?" Read: This is a great passion for me. From encyclopedias and novels to magazines and textbooks, I've always had the habit of devouring anything that comes my way. Each novel, each book represents an adventure that has contributed to my personal growth. To be cultivated for me represents an essential asset to succeed in life. Islam, I have been a Muslim since birth and much of my life, my outlook, my attitude, of course, is based on this beautiful religion that I was brought up to. Success Whether financial or social, all I care about is making my parents who didn't have me early enough proud of me. That's all I can think of now. I may add more if ever other elements come to mind.

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Credentials & Highlights

  • Joined Jan 19, 2022

  • Living in Amsterdam, Netherlands

  • Last active Jan 21, 2022

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