Felian | Answerly

Credentials & Highlights

Joined Jan 19, 2022
Living in Amsterdam, Netherlands
Last active Aug 10, 2022

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Why do abused children say nothing?

Felian

January 21, 2022

Fear can become a reason for silence, but there is also the fact that when a child discovers life, he does not know what to base himself on. If you only knew insults, violence, manipulation, threat, and pain, would you find that abnormal? How would you know how it is possible to stop all this horror without outside communication? You have to teach them to communicate, to provoke the expression of their discomfort to prove to them that there is well-being and happiness. Poor children. I know the damage this can cause, destructive consequences that reverberate through generations, with harmful thoughts that come back constantly, every day, with every action and it can disturb a being for their entire life. Some have to grow faster than others, we should still be able to inform them that this can become a strength to face life, that it is an opportunity for wisdom and mediation. Thanks to a particular intelligence one can become a particular example, for other children or other parents, for example. Many do not imagine how much the love of a child who has experienced hatred and sadness can have value for the happiness of all, yet it must be revealed.

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What would you do if your child misbehaved in public?

Felian

January 21, 2022

My daughter as a child was a compulsive shopper. His first words were "I want" 🙄. However, she knew the basic instructions, but nothing to do, the demon of the purchase regained the upper hand on her goodwill as soon as she was in contact with anything that could be sold. Usually, if none of the warnings worked, I let her see the result of her outburst herself: the disapproving gaze of other customers. His personal pride was finally taking over. Yes, even at 3 years old, we are aware, in the eyes of others, of her own dignity (since then, she has excelled in marketing and would succeed in selling a fridge to an Inuit. Might as well turn a fault into an asset.)

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Why do parents constantly break, denigrate and criticize their children?

Felian

January 21, 2022

To feel alive, to believe that they are important, and to pass themselves off as model parents to those around them, while in private they wear another mask or personality with their children to do their duty as parents in the family microcosm. Because they are clumsy and don't like their children. Because they do not live up to their responsibilities and are afraid of failure. Because they make mistakes in their behavior their speech that they adopt towards their children and do not want to take responsibility for it. Because they are incompetent, bad, and pathetic. Because they do not love themselves and project their hatred onto their children who thus serve as scapegoats. Because they are unable to say "I love you" to their children. Because they don't want to lose face and their dignity. Because they are afraid of death and bad luck happening to them. Because they are simply anxious not to get there and reach their goal. Because they set the bar really too high for their children and they are too demanding and little in the reality of this dangerous and ruthless complex world for their offspring. Because they are stupid and have no common sense, no patience, no empathy with their children. Because they have suffered abuse, humiliation, and belittlement from their own parents in their childhood and thus reproduce the same mistakes. Because they are not perfect or have had a bad upbringing in the past. Because they never question themselves and have no sense of responsibility. Because they don't have the right method to communicate and to reassure their children when they have a problem to solve. Because they have no limits and think they are allowed everything because they are supposedly parents.

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What do wealthy parents teach their teens that middle-class parents don't?

Felian

January 21, 2022

This question makes me think of the law of 3 generations. To make it very synthetic, this law could be summed up in a single sentence: "The father creates, the son maintains and the grandson squanders." Broadly speaking, the first generation is often the one who sacrificed the most to get rich. Often it is the generation that has suffered the most. The second generation, having grown up seeing the previous generation suffer from not having a personal life, will seek to make the most of life with a certain reserve, however. Having herself known difficult living conditions, she will be aware that the resources of the previous generation have been paid at a high price. Having suffered from a lack of parental presence, and perhaps a lack of parental recognition, she will raise her children in such a way as not to make them suffer from a lack of resources. This is where the third generation plays a key role. If this law states only one possibility, I rather tend to think that there are really two. Either the third generation manages to take over the family business and make the grandparents' business prosper because it will have maintained strong ties with the first generation, who will have made it aware of the value of things. In other words, the second generation will have sought through the education of the third generation to transmit to it the value of "effort" and "simple things" despite a certain "material comfort" (and existential). Or, in order to protect the third generation, the second generation will have neglected certain aspects of their education, thus formulating a fundamental disagreement with the education transmitted to them by the first generation. In this case, the third generation can go until the total exhaustion of the resources of the previous generations.In the end, the question is not so much to know what rich parents teach their children but to put into perspective the parental vision of the value of things, of its relationship to the success/failure of a child, and the resulting parental recognition in relation to the life (and career) choices of children that are not always accepted. Even when the parental discourse does not encourage the enrichment of children, I personally think that children always have a way of finding a way of self-educating within their own resources. Otherwise, it would amount to reducing the individual to his only education received.If I personally think that there is no magic speech that explains that rich children stay rich. Conversely, we can think that rich children have the advantage of benefiting from the parental network, which is not the case for children from less well-off social classes. Having understood the codes and the functioning of well-to-do circles can also help to create links and build one's own network, which does not seem to me to be raised in the question but which seems to be quite important in a scheme of "social perpetuation".

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Why do some children stop calling or visiting their parents?

Felian

January 21, 2022

As part of my job, I sometimes visit elderly people alone. Now comes the time to ask them if someone they know can take care of putting together their application online for them because they don't know how to use the internet. Here are some answers that broke my heart: my son does not have time to come see me so he will not take care of my request my daughter lives too far, she doesn't even call me, she won't help me my daughter-in-law doesn't love me so my son doesn't talk to me anymore, I don't see anyone anymore Of course, each time the person ends up in tears… You don't have to have a fight with your parents to stop talking to them. Once their life is over, some children find it a waste of time “to go see the old woman/old man” forgetting of course that they were the ones who raised them!

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Should we force children to respect?

Felian

January 21, 2022

There is nothing worse than people who obey orders without understanding what they are doing and are unable to question the orders given to them. To force children to obey is to prepare incompetent and potentially dangerous future adults. It is also educational laziness. You have to teach children to think, you have to explain the rules and their relevance to them, intelligently convince them to respect them, supervise them, and of course, protect them. The child will obey on his own if these codes are correctly transmitted to him or maybe difficult if he sees only a relationship of power and authority.

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How do I know if I'm not wasting my time?

Felian

January 20, 2022

I guess the simplest answer is that if you don't have a planner with a page for each day in years and space to write down what you did that day, you're not only wasting time but your life. If you go to bed every night and don't know what you'll accomplish the next day… guess what? You will waste the next day. If you're enrolled in college or university and don't have a scheduled course of study for the semester or quarter, by the first day of classes, you'll likely fail most classes. If you wake up on Saturday and put on this and that all day, you've wasted the whole day. Planning can be difficult, but having solid goals, keeping a diary of what you do each year, and doing the most difficult task first each day helps settle what matters in your life. If you only do the most difficult task each day, you will find yourself navigating through life with the wind at your back.

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How do you manage your time?

Felian

January 20, 2022

Hello, the very relevant question, thank you! Personally, I think getting up early has a big influence on our productivity. The day before or when I get up, I make a to-do list in order of priority. It is advisable to start with what you least want to do, otherwise, procrastination tends to show the tip of its nose. Often at noon, I have already made good progress. My additional advice is: give yourself deadlines (from such time to such time, I do... → set an alarm clock if necessary), take out your phone only if necessary, if it's out of habit I take a book instead. P.S.: Think about meditation, it will make things clearer. “Mindfulness separates the urgent from the important” I also leave you my favorite quote, for goodness sake: You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day unless you're too busy. Then you should sit for an hour. :D

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Are there places in the universe where time "no longer exists"?

Felian

January 20, 2022

In 3-dimensional space, there is no time. Time is the 4th dimension. The masses contained in space bend this space but also bend the temporal dimension, giving the illusion of dilating it, therefore slowing down the flow of time of an object moving in relation to an external referential. It is the geometric representation (general relativity) that works best to explain what we observe. For a near object of considerable mass like a black hole, its time (proper time) does not change. On the other hand, it may find itself considerably dilated or slowed down relative to another distant object. If mass could be infinite, then it could create a singularity expanding time to infinity as if it were stopped (space would also be twisted or coiled to infinity). But infinity is not part of the real world or else it is very well hidden… Infinity belongs to the world of mathematical representations that we use to model the real world somehow. For objects traveling at the speed of light, we can consider that they have trajectories perpendicular to this time dimension and therefore do not travel through it. Suddenly for them (these are massless particles like photons), time does not exist. Their trajectory follows the spatial curvatures formed by large masses but is not affected by temporal curvatures. These particles, therefore, travel instantaneously.For photons, time is stopped. They are therefore eternal. The most amazing thing is therefore that they connect 2 points of space instantly like a huge laser beam but are also present for us in the past and the present simultaneously. They give the impression of moving at the speed of light relative to massive objects which are forced to move forward as they age along the time dimension. When we are stationary in space, we still advance inexorably along the temporal axis, carried away by the current. Time passes inexorably for massive objects offering resistance to the Higgs field. We move exactly one second in distance per second along this axis and 0 meters in space. During this time a photon gives the impression of having moved 300,000 km in space. All these phenomena are related to the particular and dynamic geometry that we observe from inside our space-time which does not necessarily give us an independent point of view. So far no one has linked the speed of light and the speed of expansion...but who knows it could give

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Does time exist?

Felian

January 20, 2022

More than the quantitative aspect of time, it is its qualitative aspect that makes it mysterious and enigmatic, namely the irreversibility of time while the equations of mechanics are reversible. Why are consciousnesses forced to move along the arrow of time-oriented towards increasing entropy? You can reverse the film of the collapse of a building but you will never see in reality, the rubble move to reconstruct the building. On a simpler level, one can project backward the collision of the cue ball of snooker with the triangle of the red balls but one will never see in reality the red balls coming together in a neat triangle. In both cases, the situation of the inverted film is with decreasing entropy with increasing order and therefore impossible, whereas the direct situations are with increasing entropy and increasing disorder, which makes them possible and frequent. However, the 2 sequences, direct and inverted, conform to the laws of dynamics but not of thermodynamics or statistical mechanics. In short, it is the statistics that determine the arrow of time. But it is this arrow of time that often makes it unbearable or even unbearable for us.

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Credentials & Highlights

Joined Jan 19, 2022
Living in Amsterdam, Netherlands
Last active Aug 10, 2022

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